Well let me write this again, it erased my whole blog :(
I had a event happen to me that made me think of the tough emotion/mental feet us cfers deal with. Besides the tons of meds and physio we have to deal with everyday come love. I have been single and on the dating scene for two plus years. I have only had a couple of dates during that time. The most recent date I had was last week. I thought things had went well. We had coffee and talked about a few things, one of the topics was my cf and such. A few days later we chatted and she just seemed to be distant, then next day I got a message that she had found someone else to date, which was fair no worries but then the next thing she said was that it was someone she was more comfortable with. Maybe I just took it the wrong way? But it sounded like cf was something she couldn't deal with. I mean cf isn't just me, ya so I have an o2 hose on my face. But I'm me, I m a person inside.
I think its tough for people to adapt to date someone with cf, it must take a strong person to see past that and see you for who you are on the inside. Which leaves me sitting at home alone at night.
Which in turn gets me thinking about other things. 2-3 years ago I didn't really thing much about my cf, I just went out and did things but now it seems its the only thing that's on my mind. Worrying about coughing, am I coughing more, am I getting sick. What will happen next? Do I need more o2.
Then you have the other thing of the financial end,something that bugs the hell out of me. Seeing as I had to give up my job I've had to go on disability. Well lets say the government is very unfair. They are still basically giving the same amount they did 12-15 years ago when my dad was on it. Have they not noticed that things have gone up since and the cost of living has? It just makes me very sick to my stomach how they expect us to live on a little over $1000 a month? Its basically just added stress to our illness, having to pay each month for our oxygen therapy cause they don't fully cover it....and that's just to breath!
All I can say is I sure hope the lottery pays off soon.
Alright that's all the ranting of the night! just had to get that off me chest hehehehe
The disability thing is a piss-off. I'm actually surprised you were able to get on it so quickly.. back when I was having my health issues I looked into it and the waiting period was going to be months, and I couldn't work during that period and I finally just said 'screw it! I'll work and suffer!' Mind you, I also felt like I COULD work.. was just being advised that I shouldn't.
ReplyDeleteI think sometimes when we have an aspect of our life that stands out as a challenge, whether it be dealing with a chronic health condition or even something more mudane like the ready-made family, we tend to be quick to believe that these are reasons people may back away or make it an issue.. being hypersensitive in itself can be an issue.. but true, some people don't know how to deal with it and may not know how to talk about their own fears and concerns.
I wish I had some good advice to offer. :-(
Ugh. I'm looking into disability now... already exhausted thinking about it lol.
ReplyDeleteAlso Sean I'm right there with you. I'm actually pretty terrified of going back into the dating scene (after a 5 year relationship)--so good for you for even trying! I think it takes a while for us to find the few good people who are willing to "take on" our lives. But when we do find them, they are so worth it... and if we don't well, I feel I'm better off. Being with someone who is unsupportive is worse than having no one at all IMO. We shouldn't have to play down our disease for anyone, and they should see we are bigger than our disease, no exceptions.
Thanks, and it did take me months to get on disability. It just came thru now and I had applied at the end of Jan. Such a great system we have!
ReplyDeleteOh wow, I didn't realize that. I thought you'd been on for a while now.
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