Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Time to Vent somemore
Got my mileage cheque today, Was half of what it should of been wtf? I am so tired of calling and bitching at these government workers. Do they not double check their work. The sheet I fill out and send in every time is pretty much the same people! I can't stand living on this social assistance. No wonder why people go crazy and shoot up government offices. I have enough stress already with things going on. On top of that I get a message to turn in my work shirts. That really put a pit in my stomach thinking now defiantly I have no job left. Also comes the stress of Christmas. I'm trying just not to even think about it. I haven't even put up a tree or decorated the house at all, I'm just not into it. The last few nights I have just laid in bed, not being able to sleep, thinking about anything and everything. Its the feeling you get when you just cant shut your brain down. I lay there wondering will my phone ring? I wish it would ring! At first I didn't think all this waiting would bother me. I just try to keep busy and not think about it. Well now each day I think more about it. Worried now the winter time is here and it never agrees with me, will I end up sick and in the hospital. Don't really feel like going out and doing anything cause it means trying to breath in the cold weather and just resulting in coughing my brains out, what fun is there in that? I have worked hard to get where I am today. I truly do not wanna give it up and throw it away but some days I feel like just saying screw it. I try and stay strong and outgoing and high spirited but its slowly running out. I guess in reality only rich and well off people are allowed to get sick and have to take time out of their lives. Us working class just get screwed.
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hang in there Sean your day will come, trust in whatever helps you stay sane, hobby, family, friends, religion, you will make it and by the time it comes you won't even know what hit you, it'll all be over in a flash
ReplyDeleteI remember once I was home after my 12days it was just a shock that sank in, that there was no more waiting to do...just living!
always here to talk.
i am not a religious person...but i saw this quote today
ReplyDelete"God never said life would be easy.
He just promised it would be worth it"
As someone on the other side of transplant....I will tell you this....the waiting game sucks. and the after math of transplant SUCKS. The whole ordeal SUCKS, but my friend, I am 5 months out and now I can honestly say it is worth it. It is worth it to the moon and back again. But for awhile it is going to suck, no sugar coating it...and the only thing you can do is to keep pushing through. It's seriously a testament to your mind on how strong your mind is. It's okay to be frustrated and upset and just friggin annoyed...cause it sucks SO much. but as someone once said "this too shall pass" and once it passes Sean...it's great. I sat in a chair this morning, sleeping at clinic, and thought to myself, god my chest is hardly moving, I don't even here any gurgling...It just is such a time game....are you on status 1 or 2? stay strong friend.
Wanted to comment but had to wait till I got home--stupid hospital firewall blocks posting to blogs. Argh. I hope things aren't looking so bleak for you today. Some days are just so hard and all you can do is hope for it to pass soon. Isn't it great we have a place where we can say those things and people aren't shocked or judgemental! There are times when I think, transplant smansplat I can do that! And then there are other days when I feel like I could crumble into little bitty pieces if just one more thing goes wrong. I guess we have to have those weak/worse moments to appreciate the stronger/better ones. Hope things are looking up a bit soon. :)
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